Expectations
By Nicole

This month I’ve been reflecting on a quiet force that has shaped so many moments in my life often without my awareness.

Expectation.

I’ve realized that expectation sneaks into my life as:

• how a person should act

• how a day should go

• how a relationship should unfold

• how life should respond if I pour my heart into something.

And when things or people don’t meet those unspoken expectations in my mind, I’m met with disappointment, frustration, and sometimes even resentment.

For me, disappointment is almost always born from expectation.

Not because I think I “deserve” anything, but because I genuinely believe in the best in people, and I expect them to show up as the highest version of themselves.

But the truth is people are on their own timelines. Life is on its own rhythm. No one is here to perform according to the movie I’m replaying in my mind.

Very early in our relationship, Garrett and I found The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra, and it has stayed a steady guide in our lives. One of the teachings that lodged itself deep in my heart is the idea of releasing attachment.

To me, releasing expectation and releasing attachment are siblings.

It does not mean:

– lowering your goals

– abandoning your standards

-or pretending you don’t care

Instead, it means:

– show up fully

– offer your truth

– take aligned action

–  and then let life unfold in the way that serves your soul not your plan

When I feel disappointed now, I try to pause before pointing outward. Instead of “They let me down,” I ask “What is this moment trying to teach me?”

Is it asking me to:

– soften my grip?

– trust a little more?

– accept someone exactly where they are?

– set healthier boundaries?

– speak up sooner?

– or release a story I’ve been carrying?

Nine times out of ten, the disappointment becomes a mirror showing me where I can grow. Expectation can narrow our vision while Detachment opens the door for:

– unexpected blessings

– timing we couldn’t plan

– relationships that unfold differently but beautifully

– and the Universe to meet us in ways we couldn’t have imagined

Sometimes not getting what I pictured becomes the greatest gift I didn’t know I needed.

Expectation tightens.

Detachment opens.

This month, may we show up with love, act with integrity, hold our standards, and release the outcome. Because the more space we create, the more room there is for life to deliver what our hearts truly need.

With love,

Nicole

Expectation is often named as the root of disappointment. We’re told to “let go of expectations” if we want peace. And yet, much of spiritual practice invites us to live as if the life we long for is already unfolding—feeling into it, breathing it, orienting our choices around it.So which is it?

From an Ayurvedic lens, the answer lies not in whether we have expectations, but in the quality of consciousness from which they arise.

When expectation is driven by rajas, it is tight, urgent, and outcome-focused. The nervous system is subtly braced. We are pushing life to confirm our efforts: If I do this, then this should happen. This kind of expectation is heavy with control, and when life inevitably moves differently, disappointment follows. In the Yoga Sūtras, this is the terrain of kleśas—especially attachment (rāga)—where suffering arises not from life itself, but from our insistence that it conform to our inner narrative.

At the other extreme, tamas can masquerade as “no expectations” while actually being collapse or resignation. The nervous system is shut down. There is little engagement, little vitality, and no true participation in becoming.

Between these lies sattva—the place of clarity, trust, and attuned responsiveness.

Sattvic expectation is not about demanding a specific outcome. It is about living in alignment with a felt state: nourishment, ease, purpose, connection. The nervous system is regulated enough to sense safety and possibility. From this place, we act not to force life, but to cooperate with it.

This is where expectation becomes creative rather than constricting.

The Yoga Sūtras point us here through abhyāsa (consistent practice) and vairāgya (non-grasping). We commit to the practice of becoming—while releasing attachment to how the fruit appears. We hold the bhāva, the inner atmosphere, rather than the script.

In this way, manifestation is not a mental exercise. It is an embodied one. Life responds not to what we demand, but to the frequency we stabilize.

The teaching, then, is simple and profound:
Let go of expectation of form.
Stay devoted to expectation of essence.

When we expect peace, clarity, and wholeness—and live accordingly—life often meets us there, in ways far more intelligent than we could have planned.

North Shore Winter Healing Congee by Cory Tixier AD, LMT
Warming, Digestive Reset for Cool, Damp MorningCongee is a traditional grain-based porridge used for centuries across East Indian and Chinese cultures as a healing food to support digestion, recovery, and longevity. During North Shore winters—when mornings are cooler, wetter, and shaped by steady trade winds—congee offers warmth, softness, and simplicity without taxing digestion.

This season often increases Kapha (cool, heavy, damp) and Vata (windy, mobile) qualities, which can dull agni and unsettle the nervous system. Congee counterbalances these qualities by providing heat, moisture, and grounding, making it ideal for winter mornings, cleanses, recovery, or sensitive digestion.

This recipe may be prepared sweet or savory, allowing you to respond to your appetite and constitution.

Basic Recipe (Single Serving)

• ¼ cup grain of choice
• 1¼–1½ cups water (well-cooked and soft for winter digestion)
• Optional spices and toppings (see below)

Cooking Instructions

1. Combine grain, water, and spices in a stainless steel saucepan or crockpot.
2. Cook gently on low heat overnight (8+ hours), or simmer 45–60 minutes until fully porridge-like.
3. Adjust water for a thinner consistency if digestion feels sluggish.
4. Add toppings after cooking. Serve hot.

Avoid aluminum or cast iron cookware. Choose stainless steel, clay, glass, or enamel-coated pots.

Grain Options (Winter-Appropriate)

• Basmati rice – Tridoshic, ideal for cleansing and recovery
• Oats – Deeply grounding and nourishing for Vata
• Millet – Light but warming (add fat and spices)
• Quinoa – Supportive for Kapha when well-cooked
• Spelt, amaranth, wheat berries – More building; best post-cleanse or for depleted Vata

Choose Your Path

Sweet Winter Congee

Best for Vata, depletion, coldness, recovery, or low appetite

Spices (¼–½ tsp total):
Cinnamon, cardamom, ginger, fennel, nutmeg (pinch)

Sweeteners (add after cooking):

• Maple syrup
• Molasses (iron-rich, grounding)
• Honey (only once cooled to warm)

Toppings:
Chopped dates or soaked raisins, shredded coconut (small amount), walnuts or almonds (soaked or lightly toasted), pumpkin or sesame seeds, optional ghee

OR 

Savory Winter Congee

Best for Kapha, sluggish digestion, congestion, or when sweet feels heavy

Spices (¼–½ tsp total):
Fresh ginger, cumin, coriander, fennel, bay leaf, black pepper (pinch)

Savory Additions (after cooking):
Mineral-rich salt, ghee or sesame oil (½–1 tsp), lightly cooked greens, grated carrot or winter squash, fresh herbs (cilantro, parsley, green onion)

Optional:
A squeeze of lime (if digestion is strong), a pinch of hing for bloating

Seasonal Insight

• Feeling cold, anxious, or depleted → choose sweet and grounding
• Feeling heavy, foggy, or congested → choose savory and spiced
• When in doubt, keep it simple, warm, and well-cooked

Congee is not about rules—it is about restoring relationship with agni, intuition, and nourishment, one warm bowl at a time.

I wrote a whole piece on expectation and had to delete it. Instead, I sit here asking myself , why expect? What is the purpose of expectation? What do I expect anymore? Definitely the longer I live the less I expect. I think of all the things people have told me to expect in my life and it’s almost humorous. I’ll pay you back, I’ll be there for you, I won’t do or say that ever again! I remember one of my big expectations 20 yrs ago troubled me for so long! A professional was putting in our beautiful Brazilian Cherry floor in the healing center here on NS and 1/3 the way through it he stopped showing up. We connected a few times about when he would come finish and I would wait and he simply did not show up, and then he completely disappeared. I was so worried something happened to him like an accident or illness, and then found out he just decided he couldn’t do it, didn’t have the courage to tell me to my face, and stopped picking up my calls. I was shocked! For a long time I simply could not understand how someone could do that. It made no sense to me and for years I couldn’t resolve it.

Over time I have learned to appreciate expectations differently. They still surprise me from time to time, though honestly now as I grow older and perhaps a little wiser, I feel most of them have dropped away.  When they do pop up I ask myself, “Excuse me, why? What’s the purpose of this expectation?” I no longer expect people to be reasonable, pick up their trash, be courteous, do the things they say they will do… and I don’t think it’s because I’m tainted or disillusioned. It doesn’t mean I don’t get excited when people do pick up their trash, are courteous and do the things they say they’re going to do. It just seems odd to expect life or people to be a certain way, when that’s just not how I’ve experienced it. And now I think I’m much happier. Rather than expecting something, I do my best to practice childlike wonder which allows me to be genuinely surprised often!

Before I thought expectations could provide a certain amount of stability, reliability, structure, even predictability in my life. I thought it would allow me to plan my life better and plan with others better. Now I realize those expectations really didn’t do that at all. I thought I needed expectations to plan my life, or even create my life, and now looking back I realize that wasn’t true. Life creates itself and if i live in the present moment the best i can, the life that is meant for me is what is create!d I now know it’s possible to think about the future and make plans for the future without having expectations. It’s just something to consider. Why expect? Ask yourself, what does it really do for me?

Expectation is about something happening in the future, and since everything is in flux and change is the only constant, expectations don’t seem to make much sense to me anymore. Instead I look to the future with attention, intention, wonder and awe, and put vital life energy into this precious present moment. I remind myself to live fully, breathe deeply, and know that nature has a way and I am in service to that flow. Who knows what the next moment will bring? Even though once in awhile a wish sneaks in for a crystal ball to see the future, I have an opportunity to laugh at myself for that thought! It would take all the magic and mystery away, and that to me is the magnificence of life!