October Newsletter 2025: “Relationships”

Why do we have relationships? Is it possible not to have relationships? Even if we lived in complete isolation, we would still have relationships with ourselves as well as objects and concepts that surrounded us. Relationships are the way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected; the way they regard or behave towards each other. In life we all have so many relationships with concepts, objects and people, and through these relationships we get our needs met in this world. As another year is coming to an end and the holidays are approaching, perhaps it’s a good time to pause and pay attention to the relationships in our lives. If we tend to our relationships, they will fill our needs and keep us vitally alive. The question is are we giving these relationships the attention and appreciation they deserve? Are there any relationships we need to release or shift in some way? Are there new relationships we need to cultivate? Are we getting our needs met through all these relationships? Are these relationships getting what they need? When we forget, look at nature, everywhere we see glorious examples of mutually beneficial relationships as in the picture of the bees and enchanting dragon fruit flowers.

Just yesterday I looked at this amazing smokey quarts crystal that sits in my kitchen and suddenly I was compelled to pick it up and cleanse it! I realized that I had not at all taken care of its needs. The crystal clears away negative energies and gives me such wonder every time I look at it, yet I had forgotten to clean it. Even inanimate objects have needs! Think of the relationship you have with your phone, your computer? I became overwhelmed by all the relationships in my life and all the needs, starting with the relationship with myself, then my loving husband, my homes, offices, car, all the things in my life and then all the family, clients and friends who I have relationships with. I suddenly felt a sincere appreciation for minimalists who have only a few things in their home, and a few people they interact with, unlike myself. I do feel blessed though, because all these amazing relationships continue to teach me so much.

I see three vital keys to tending relationships. First, we must have some self-awareness, some wisdom about our personal needs for peace, contentment and fulfillment. We must have a relationship with ourselves. Second, we must have deep sincere appreciation for the importance of relationships in our lives and the mutual gifts that are offered through them. Third, we must spend some quality time with whatever or whoever we choose to be in relationship with. Even with these three starting points, relationships can be challenging, however, without them they might seem like a never-ending struggle.

First know who we are? Phew! That’s a big one. Ok let’s start with a simple analogy. I recently saw a movie where the character was buying a plant for her barren apartment. She wanted something to liven her place up even though she was rarely there. She was looking for a beautiful plant yet one that wasn’t very needy because she wasn’t home much to take care of it. Clearly a metaphor for her life and the relationships in it. She was looking at an enchanting begonia which needed daily watering. The guy that was relating to her suggested that maybe a cactus or a plastic plant would be better for her. I think a bit taken back at being “seen”, she bought the begonia. This funny yet poignant scene reminded me of a radio show my husband told me about where a psychologist was sharing how people can be like ferns or cactuses. Rainforest and dessert plants have very different needs. If you don’t water a fern often it will dry up quickly. If you don’t water a cactus it will be fine, actually probably happier. What kind of plant are YOU? Maybe I’m a cacao plant. Tough shell, some soft sweet stuff inside if you can get to it, let it ferment and put a lot of time and work into it and you get yummy chocolate! Ok, maybe that’s just too much disclosure. Self-exploration can be a fun exercise if you don’t take it too seriously!

Second point, deep appreciation, another tough yet rewarding one! We are in these relationships because deep down we know they enrich our lives or are needed in some way. They can teach us about acceptance, compassion, generosity, humility and deep intimacy if we allow them to do their magic. They teach us to love ourselves and to love things and others not despite who we are or who/what they are, rather because of it. They teach us that blaming really hasn’t gotten us anywhere in life. Look at the metaphor about the fern and cactus. What will happen when they are in relationship? Will the cactus blame the fern for being clingy and needy and try to change that fern behavior? Will the fern blame the cactus for being selfish and withholding water? No matter how hard one may try to change the other, the cactus will never be a fern and visa versa. If we directed all the energy we use up fighting and trying to change who or what we are relating to, towards appreciation and acquiring a deeper understanding of what or who we are in relationship with, we could release ourselves from this no-win battle. One step at a time, breathe into any discouragement and keep on going!

And finally point three, time. We need to be realistic about time. Do we have time for all the relationships in our lives? A wise person once told me, only plant what you can take care of, something that still challenges me. How are we tending to the relationships in our lives? Make a relationship list, or at least start one, it may be long so little by little, one relationship at a time. Where does blame and appreciation come in? What about needs? A few things may need to change. Good news is that change is the only constant and there’s no time like the present! What wondrous discoveries lie ahead for all of us!

This year marks twenty years of partnership with my husband — twenty years of shared laughter, tears, and countless late-night conversations that have shaped not only our life together but my own path of inner growth.

In the Vedic view, relationships are sacred mirrors. They reflect back to us the parts of ourselves we may not yet see clearly — our patterns, projections, attachments, and our capacity for love. Every interaction, especially the challenging ones, becomes an invitation to evolve.

Astrologically, I’ve come to understand that my relationship with my husband is a Dharmic one — meaning it serves a higher purpose. It’s not only about companionship, but about soul growth and the refinement of consciousness. Dharma doesn’t always mean ease; often it means truth. And truth asks us to look inward.

One of the greatest strengths of our relationship is our ability to talk things through — really talk. When tensions arise, we sit down, sometimes for hours, sometimes through tears, until we reach an understanding. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s always transformative. These conversations become gateways to deeper honesty, compassion, and clarity.

Over the years, we’ve come to live by a simple principle: whatever bothers us in another person is something that calls for reflection within ourselves. This is true not only in marriage, but in every relationship — with friends, family, teachers, students, pets, even the natural world.

Relationship, in its truest form, is Sādhanā — a spiritual practice. It offers us endless opportunities to cultivate awareness, forgiveness, and love. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

Reflection Practices for Conscious Relationships

1. The Mirror Moment
When you feel triggered or hurt by something your partner (or anyone) says or does, pause before reacting. Take a deep breath and ask yourself:

“What in me is this reflecting?”
“What belief, fear, or expectation is being touched right now?”

Write your reflections in a journal — not to analyze or judge yourself, but to see more clearly. This simple pause transforms conflict into insight, and reaction into growth.

2. The Listening Circle
Once a week, take 20–30 minutes with your partner for a “listening circle.” Sit facing each other, set a timer for 10 minutes each, and let one person speak without interruption while the other listens fully — no fixing, no defending, just listening with the heart.
After both have spoken, take a few moments in silence before sharing any responses. This practice nourishes understanding, trust, and emotional safety — the fertile soil of conscious love.

Try one of these practices this week and notice what arises. Relationship is a living teacher — and when we approach it with reflection and reverence, every conversation, every challenge, and every moment of connection becomes a step toward awakening.

If there’s one truth that life keeps teaching me again and again, it’s this: life is relationship. Every breath, every heartbeat, every sunrise is part of an intricate web of connection to ourselves, to one another, to the land beneath our feet and the sky above our heads. We’re in relationship with the food that nourishes us, with the water that sustains us, with our family, our partners, our friends. Even the thoughts we allow to live rent free in our minds are a form of relationship.But here’s the thing most of us forget:

We cannot be in right relationship with anything or anyone if we are not first in right relationship with ourselves.

It’s tempting to think “relationship” is something that happens out there in conversations, commitments, or conflicts. But the deepest and most transformative relationships begin within. Before we can offer love, patience, or understanding to another, we have to cultivate those qualities internally. Before we can tend to the Earth with reverence, we must learn to tend to our own inner landscape. Before we can hold space for a partner’s healing, we must be willing to sit in the discomfort of our own.

The Hardest Relationship of All

I’ll be honest, this part is hard for me. Self care doesn’t come naturally. I often find myself caught in the pressure of what “self-care” is supposed to look like. The world tells us it’s yoga classes, bubble baths, or journaling before sunrise. And when I don’t make time for those things, I can feel the weight of guilt creep in sometimes even projected by others who believe that’s the only way to care for yourself.

But over time, I’ve realized something important: self-care isn’t one size fits all. For me, self-care is not letting someone else’s idea of what it “should” look like define how I love myself. It’s refusing to absorb the guilt someone might project onto me for skipping a yoga class or choosing a quiet walk in the woods instead. It’s creating space to listen inward and honor what I actually need not what society says I should need.

Everyone’s version will look different. And that’s the beauty of it.
What “Right Relationship” With Yourself Looks LikeSo what does being in right relationship with yourself actually mean? It’s not about perfection or routines. It’s about showing up for yourself with honesty and care, in ways that feel true to you:

• Radical honesty: It starts with telling yourself the truth about how you’re feeling, what you’re afraid of, what you really need.

• Gentle accountability: Being willing to see where you might be contributing to imbalance, and choosing differently without self-punishment.

• Unconditional care: Speaking to yourself with the same tenderness you offer a loved one. Prioritizing rest, nourishment, and joy not as luxuries, but as non-negotiables.

•  Daily dialogue: Checking in with yourself often “What do I need right now?” “What emotion is living in my body?”  and responding with presence.

The more we practice these small, intimate acts of self relationship, the more naturally our external relationships shift. We become less reactive and more responsive. We listen with our whole bodies. We stop expecting others to fill the emptiness we haven’t yet tended to. And in turn, we show up as deeper friends, truer partners, and more respectful stewards of the Earth.

A Sacred Mirror

This month, I invite you to treat every relationship  with people, places, and even passing thoughts  as sacred mirrors. Notice how each one reflects something about the relationship you have with you. When the reflection is uncomfortable, get curious instead of defensive. When it’s beautiful, let it teach you how far you’ve come.

Because in the end, right relationship isn’t a destination it’s a daily practice.

It’s how we turn a life of separate moments into a living, breathing web of connection. And it’s how we remember that nothing, and no one, is truly separate at all.