The Many Faces of Fatherhood
By Cory Tixier ADLC, LMT
As Father’s Day approaches, I’ve been reflecting on the men who helped shape my life.
Much of that reflection has been inspired by my nephew, who is spending the summer with us. Like many children growing up in blended families, he is navigating questions about fathers, father figures, and what it means to belong.
He has a stepfather who loves him deeply and shows up for him every day.
A man who has chosen the responsibility of helping raise him. Yet like many children, he is still curious about his biological father. He still wonders about where he came from, what traits he inherited, and how that relationship fits into his story.
Our conversations have reminded me of my own journey.
As a little girl, I didn’t have a traditional experience of fatherhood.
My parents did not raise me together, and although my father was part of my life, he wasn’t present in the everyday ways some fathers are. We spent weekends together here and there. Sometimes he came to my games. I always knew he loved me, and I always knew he was out there.
But childhood has a way of measuring love through proximity.
I wanted more time.
More connection.
More understanding.
And if I’m being honest, there were years when I carried resentment. My mother and I struggled financially while my father lived a very different life. As a child, I couldn’t make sense of that contrast.
What I understand now is that children experience circumstances differently than adults do.
As children, we tend to focus on what is missing.
As adults, we begin to recognize what was present.
Looking back now, I can see the many gifts my father gave me. I can see the ways he showed up, even if not perfectly. I can see his love more clearly than I could as a child.
At the same time, fatherhood arrived through other men as well.
My grandfather was one of the greatest gifts of my childhood. He showed up consistently. He encouraged me endlessly. He sat through games, celebrated victories, and offered comfort during disappointments. His love was steady and his belief in me unwavering.
Other men contributed their own gifts along the way. Coaches taught discipline. Uncles offered guidance. Mentors provided encouragement. Friends’ fathers modeled different ways of being in the world.
Each gave me something.
Together, they helped shape the woman I would become.
As I’ve gotten older, my understanding of fatherhood has expanded.
Fatherhood begins with biology, but it does not end there.
Our fathers give us our beginnings. Through them, we inherit stories, traits, gifts, and challenges.
Whether they are near or far, known intimately or only in pieces, they remain part of us.
But fatherhood is also action.
It is showing up.
It is encouragement.
It is protection.
It is guidance.
It is helping a child discover strengths they do not yet see in themselves.
Sometimes it is discipline.
Sometimes it is compassion.
Sometimes it is simply being there.
The older I get, the more I realize that fatherhood is not a single role performed by a single person. It is a collection of gifts offered by the men who love, guide, support, and challenge us.
Some fathers are biological.
Some are stepfathers.
Some are grandfathers.
Some are uncles, mentors, coaches, teachers, and family friends.
Some are related by blood.
Others are related by choice.
All can leave a lasting imprint.
As I talk with my nephew about his own journey, I remind him that appreciating the man who chooses to show up for you does not diminish the man who gave you life.
The heart is big enough to honor both.
Perhaps that is one of the gifts that comes with age.
We stop looking at our parents through the eyes of a child and begin seeing them through the eyes of another human being.
Life becomes less black and white.
We discover that love can exist alongside disappointment. Gratitude can exist alongside longing. Understanding can emerge from places where resentment once lived.
Today, my father and I share a relationship that is more open, honest, and beautiful than I could have imagined as a child. It was not always easy getting here. We both had growing to do. We both had things to learn.
But time has a way of revealing what truly matters.
And what matters most is that love remained.
This Father’s Day, I find myself grateful.
Grateful for my father and the gifts he gave me.
Grateful for my grandfather and the steady presence he offered.
Grateful for my uncles, teachers, coaches who helped guide my path.
And grateful for all the fathers and father figures who continue showing up, imperfectly but sincerely, for the children who depend on them.
May we honor the many faces of fatherhood and the countless ways they shape our lives. |
